Well, like you, I have days like that. The sound of the gas light reminding you that you don't have gas money. The "you've got mail" man that reminds you of the bills that are due. The ringing of the phone when the credit Nazis are calling you non-stop to let you know that your student loans are still prominent...and collecting interest. Or...the days from years ago that sit in your memory and slowly eat away at your confidence. The people whose voices constantly remind you that you're not worth their time. The anger that consumes your mind and makes you go through the "what if's" and "I should have's." All the things you can't change but somehow still take over your happiness. Everything just seems to stare at you a little like this:
I know...you can't just shake something that size starring back at you. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and remind myself that I am doing the best I can with what I have. I'm not living outside of my means. I'm not miserable. I'm not overwhelmed. And although I am happy, I still wonder how I let all those things hypnotize my life for so long...making me feel like this:
Taking on those issues by myself without looking in the right place now makes me so squirmish. I look back and all I can see myself doing is this:
Being humbled. Prioritizing my life. Finding my purpose. Surrendering control....probably the most trying time in my life. But...also the sweetest. Things that used to consume my mind and gnaw at my confidence are now the things I push aside. My time isn't worth all the worry. What is it...like, 98% of the things we worry about NEVER happen...geeeeezzeee!!! Even if that statistic is made up I still love it!! I don't want to keep peeking around the corner because I'm worried like this:
I love living without worry this much!!:
"....just keep swimming..."
"...just keep swimming...swimming...swimming..."