Monday, March 15, 2010

Just Keep Swimming...

You know when life starts to wear you out? I mean to the point where you just grind your teeth and fight your way through the day.  You feel like you walk around like this all the time:

Well, like you, I have days like that. The sound of the gas light reminding you that you don't have gas money. The "you've got mail" man that reminds you of the bills that are due. The ringing of the phone when the credit Nazis are calling you non-stop to let you know that your student loans are still prominent...and collecting interest. Or...the days from years ago that sit in your memory and slowly eat away at your confidence. The people whose voices constantly remind you that you're not worth their time. The anger that consumes your mind and makes you go through the "what if's" and "I should have's." All the things you can't change but somehow still take over your happiness. Everything just seems to stare at you a little like this:

I know...you can't just shake something that size starring back at you. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and remind myself that I am doing the best I can with what I have. I'm not living outside of my means. I'm not miserable. I'm not overwhelmed. And although I am happy, I still wonder how I let all those things hypnotize my life for so long...making me feel like this:

Taking on those issues by myself without looking in the right place now makes me so squirmish. I look back and all I can see myself doing is this:

So dumb.

I am finally at the point in my life where I have surrendered the most important aspects of my life to God. Entrusting my job, my relationships, my finances and my future in Him is so freeing. I have forgiven people in my past that have used me, hurt me and tossed me to the side. I don't feel the bitterness that used to manipulate my nights into sleepless hours followed by restless days. I am at peace. God humbled me with the circumstances that were, at first, viewed as obstacles on my "road to success." I eventually realized that life is going to have numerous disappointments...but only I can choose to be discouraged by them. Instead, I want to be stronger. I want to be better. I want to be proud when I look back at those consequences and can say that I learned from them rather than dwelling on them for years. There's no need to live in the past and fearful of the future like this:

Being humbled. Prioritizing my life. Finding my purpose. Surrendering control....probably the most trying time in my life. But...also the sweetest. Things that used to consume my mind and gnaw at my confidence are now the things I push aside. My time isn't worth all the worry. What is it...like, 98% of the things we worry about NEVER happen...geeeeezzeee!!! Even if that statistic is made up I still love it!!  I don't want to keep peeking around the corner because I'm worried like this:

I love living without worry this much!!:

I know that I will make it through the day. No matter how many "dings" or "rings" resound from my electronics I will be patient. As long as I am responsible and do my part in life...I will not be wasting my time with that little guy named "worry." My nights will be well rested followed by enjoyable days. No more "what if's" because it all played out the way it did for a reason. Even if it wasn't in my game plan...I am going to...

        "...just keep swimming..."
        "....just keep swimming..."
               "...just keep swimming...swimming...swimming..."


Payton said...

I Love this one babe!! ;) You speak the truth!!

Heather said...

I. LOVE. THIS. Fabulous post!!

The pictures are adorable and your attitude is something everyone should strive for. Keep on swimmin', girlie :)

Ashley said...

So True!! Great Job :)

Jo said...

Great post.... Trust me when I say many people that are a lot older than you can learn from your wisdom. Thank you for sharing.


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I am a 20-something young woman growing up and experiencing the things my mother warned me about...love, friendship, hard work, disappointment and success.